Its an absolute balls of a country isn’t it. That’s a line I spin to myself on the daily to deflect how I’m really feeling. Yes times are tough in Ireland this minute, the rich get richer and the poor get poorer. The middle class is no more there is the have and the have nots. But there is a more pressing matter at hand in this country and that is peoples mental health. We have all seen the social media ads and quotes with the saying ” its ok to not be ok” which is admirable as it sends out a message. Does it work?. It does in my ass. Unfortunately someone suffering from mental health will look at it read it and 30 seconds later its out of mind and memory and the pain, fear and self loathing return just as strong as ever.

This blog will be about my own personal struggles with mental health with no bells or whistles or hiding. I am a separated man in his mid thirty’s with 3 children and a full time job. My relationship with my children is fantastic as is the relationship between myself and there mother. However the relationship with myself is shocking to say the least. To steal a line from The Wolf Of Wall Street I am lower than pond scum. That right there is the reality of the situation as it stands. For people on the outside looking in it would appear that I’m a run of the mill average chap but I’m really not I am in turmoil with what life has in store for me. Currently I’m on medication prescribed by the doctor of 10mg of some anti-anxiety drug I cant pronounce. If you asked me if it works I probably couldn’t tell ya maybe it does or maybe in my head I think it does. I hang onto them like Mayo would if they ever won a Sam. I pop one a day religiously in the morning and that’s just to get me out of bed and at night fire a few beers down my neck to help me sleep. Can ya see the fantastic cycle here?. Without going into too much detail about my job I work in the Health Sector helping those more unfortunate Imagine I spend my days helping people and I cant even help my bloody self. I have been to counselling for my issues at a nice round fifty euro a pop so I hit that nail on the head. Two hundred euro a month me ass I currently rent and we all know the way that goes, 3 bed house nothing special at the rental price of a national debt. I’m a hop skip and a jump of being out on my ass and being another statistic on the street. My debts are vast as with the rent sucking my income like some cheap hooker most of the time I avoid the fear of phoning up to pay my bills or the confrontation of people. These people will think I’m some sort of nut. Fuck it let the bills mount put them on the long finger sure it will be grand. See? I have my shit together. What a loser.

I hope this blog will resonate with fellow suffers as I continue on this fucked up journey called life. I will blog weekly if I can pull myself out of the gutter of my head for an hour or so.

TOP MAN PADDY